Today's title is for metaphorical purposes. At 28, independent, intelligent, personable and 'newly' single, I can't help the need to express my discontent with modern day dating practices. There seems to be this common idea that just because you're steadily 'hanging out' with someone, and there's no "title" (because one of you has decided it's not necessary if you're both "trusting" of one another), that it's perfectly fine to have your cake and eat your pie too.
Well I'm sorry. But screw your modern day worthless values. I don't typically write or even publish posts like this, but I couldn't help but feel the need to use this example of a more recent event in my life as a springboard for constructive moral forum. The fact is, that this isn't the first time, and I'm sure it won't be the last example of a deception occuring within the realms of dating. I know, with confidence I'm not the only one who has experienced such tasteless circumstances in the cesspool of dating. So here goes.
Tindarella called...She wants her dirty glasslipper back!
For 3+ months, I mistakenly gave an old fling a "second" shot. He claimed "he screwed up", "he was going through a rough time when we were first together", but that he "knows what he wants now" (and a committed relationship being part of that). Being the good hearted person I am, I thought, maybe, just maybe he was being truly genuine and scincere.
As time passed I noticed that he began to get a little too comfortable. The cute "good morning" texts started simmering down, and soon enough there were none at all. When I asked him if he was having second thoughts (and therefore the opportunity to bail then on a clean note) he said "nothing" and also added that those sort of questions were always a "trap", and that everything was "fine". And despite all this, we still had routine communication outside of texting.
As the weeks went on communication began to linger, and becoming even more distant than our first 'go around'. While work understandably had it's demands, I saw nothing tremendously preposterous with having the consideration to atleast send me a text once every few days; afterall it is nice to be thought of.
It was not until I ran into him in the grocery store, shortly after he had come home from a recent work trip, that I realized how truly jaded things really were. The smoking mirrors begin to clear. I didn't receive the sweet kiss or comforting hug that I once used to. I instead got a chummy "hey how's it going old pal" hug, the king you give to an buddy at a football game.
I left the grocery store and attempted to shovel the odd experience under the rug.
I had more important things to deal with like work, school and general life transitions. It was not until I received a text from a friend, with a screenshot from the Tinder app...
Prior to getting the message with the infuriating screenshot, I had made mention to this friend that my guy made an off comment about needing to give him "more time to respond" to text messages. During the "time" I gave him to respond to a text I had recently sent, he just so happened to have been caught actively using the app by this same dear friend.
When I confronted him, I got the silent treatment. He'd been caught. To this day I've still yet to hear from him. While many men might subjectively read this post and think "this chick is craz", I beg to differ.
While I internally wanted to scream and was furious that I had been dupped by this.. excuse of a "man" not once, but twice, it got me thinking: when the hell did that become okay?... To do something like that to a person who you so clearly spent time building trust with? Whatever happened to doing the right thing, selflessness, or pure and simple general regard for other's feelings?
The truth is, it's not okay. And while many would suggest that maybe he genuinely "needed space", in the world of mature responsibiliry, I challenge a person to use their voice and speak up. In a world that has becoming so technologically disenfranchised, it's a travesty to allow lack of social communication to continue on the basis that we've become so self-absorbed and technologically self-reliant.
